i have no captain, i am lost at sea.

so much for fucking sleeping

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 08:46:24 GMT

time to change my number again

fuck everybody.

the worst part, is not having derrick to stick up for me.

why the fuck do i seem to know the shittiest people?
hermit mode.

the one time i actually fall asleep

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:36:22 GMT

i was waiting for the longest time, she said.
i thought you forgot.

it is hard to forget, i said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone. - Brian Andreas

When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.
- Maurice Maeterlinck

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:32:07 GMT

fuck you stephanie meyer.

i am so upset right now, it's ridiculous. the only thing i feel capable of doing is crying my eyes out. i don't know why i've been okay for the past week or so, but it's finally setting in that derrick and i aren't together and i'll never have the perfect planned out life that i had. i can't believe i watched new moon, i knew it would make me feel this way. i was so secure in who i was, and what i was going to do with my life. i got too comfortable, it always happens that way. i don't even know what to say anymore, moving on is the logical thing, and the smart thing, but i don't know if i am capable.
seriously, fuck you stephanie meyer, you have ruined romanticism for every man out there, in turn ruining it for women.

i just want someone to marry me and let me be the perfect house wife, that is what i need to keep my mind off of this shit.
fuck everything.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:19:51 GMT

i have this overwhelming urge to just say, fuck everything and become a housewife.

fuck- i just need to marry rich.

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 08:31:10 GMT

internet porn is annoying.

eating some milk chocolate covered cherries, and drinking arizona. mm
i'm getting used to never sleeping, this is odd.
i really need to start working on a regular schedule.

i'm thinking about giving kit away, my house mates hate her and i have to admit she is so fucking attention hungry, like she has separation anxiety.

regardless. life is good, kind of, i have a lot of unanswered questions for a somebody- i'll get the nerve eventually.

.night

give me this

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:48:35 GMT

"Sharky Tea Infuser"

it's not even 7 and i'm awake.
for good reason, but i still wish i was sleeping.

Energydrinkforbreakfast?
oui.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:11:18 GMT

life is good, when you're a mega babe.
went to the gym today, so good.
last night was so fun, hung out at kyles with jess, kyle, kristen and sam, since he's back for the holidays! SO much fun!

i am a creature of the night

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 16:47:41 GMT

my life is undergoing the best changes!
stoked!

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 08:09:47 GMT

I haven't written in a while.
I still don't sleep, i keep getting tattoed, and i have a cat now. Cutest spawn of satan ever.
I still work at stream unfortunately, but i'm going to school in January if I can get my shit together.
The winter weather is starting, boo urns. Not excited, Jess and I may be going to Toronto on Tuesday to see her lova back from tour. Life is crazy, I'm always poor but fairly happy- there is someone new in my life who I am very grateful for. I thought i wouldn't meet anyone worth knowing in London, but I've met a lot of great people who i'm glad to be friends with. I miss my family a lot, life would be so easy if i lived there and did nothing all of the time, I was discussing that with a friend tonight- so easy.
My heart is dancing around, it doesn't know up from down these days. Derrick wants nothing to do with me, but who knows how long that will last for. My room is painted gray, and decorated with marilyn pictures, posters, and lots of betty boop, zombies, alice in wonderland and pulp fiction posters. I know, sounds completely unrelated and busy- but my room pulls if off nicely.
I think i'm going to sleep for once, I have to go to work in the morning, which I'm not excited about.

/end

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 08:53:58 GMT

I moved this week. I am poor and foodless. Sleepless as well. My head is so fucked up. I wish I could talk about it to anyone but as if that would be possible.

Angsty as fuck.

next up

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 15:24:43 GMT

gypsy chest, with "do all things with love" on my collar bone
and my owl thigh piece.

half sleeve finished on wednesday.
stoked.

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:55:54 GMT

jess and i have been hanging out with stick to your guns.
best days.
we are probably going to road trip it to new york to see them once more before they go to europe for seven weeks.
i wish i was a merch girl so i could tour and meet new people almost every night instead of being stuck with most of the shitty people i know.

tonight and last night were shitty, which sucks because the other nights were great.
i hate being let down, i hate being told one thing, only for you to do another. you call me out for it all of the time, but in reality i do it way less than you- i just don't call you out.

i need something, i'm just not sure what.

okay, so.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:26:37 GMT

july 2008 i got an anchor tattoo
march 2009 you got an anchor tattoo
july 2008 i got a daddy's girl tattoo
september 2008 you got a momma's girl tattoo
october 2008 i got a shark tattoo
december 2008 you got a shark tattoo
febuary 2009 i got an ursula tattoo and planned for more little mermaid things to finish my half sleeve up and tie it all together
now, you're planning on a little mermaid sleeve?

how original. paaaaathetic.

all is well in paradise

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:30:57 GMT

you should have known you would have never broken me down.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:07:55 GMT

d day is tomorrow, we are sad.

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 05:43:27 GMT

all is well in life, and all will continue to stay this way.

i'm so in love with my boyfriend, my family, and my friends.
nervous about the 19th.
i still don't know what to do- even though i've made and changed my decision a dozen times.

i'm sure the right decision will come to me in time.

d and i went to the beach today, climbed rocks and found a really nice spot to sit, relax, and be total introverts.
honestly, nothing could beat how awesome everything in my life makes me feel.

oh brother,

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 06:30:00 GMT

i am so lonely without my boyfriend.
i'm so incredibly happy, and so rejuvenated. he's such a breath of fresh air compared to the awful people who used to be part of my life.

also, my new motto is snack wraps, all day- every day.
one day this week ry and i are going to get snack wraps, stoked.
derrick has a job now, i'm excited. i applied to lots of secretary jobs in london, and one at a salon- so hopefully with my experience i'll get it.
i've decided i'm going to go to blonde again. i wish my bangs would grow out- they're hideous!
anyway- life is good. i love everyone in it, and around me.

so glad everything shitty is out of my life.
my mom has 6-8 weeks to recover, so i get to hang with her..that will be a mixed blessing.
anyway, i'm going to bed, before 3:00 for the first time in ages. sleeping alone isn't as fun as sleeping all snug next to the one you love, but sleep is sooo good none the less.

i am so happy!

i am very content

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 07:02:46 GMT

derrick has been here since tuesday, and i know it's only wednesday- technically thursday, but he's here until friday and i'm excited!
my mom's surgery was decent, she should be home thursday or friday, missin' her.
i'm actually doing housework when she's not here, it's weird. my desire and feeling of obligation to help my dad and to do what he says is way more than when my mom asks me to do anything, i should change that.
regardless- loaded the dishwasher, and swept the floors!

d is coming to bed though, so i'll finish my thoughts another time.
late night talks, and lots of cuddles.
life is good
/end

I'm almost sure

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 19:30:21 GMT

that if i were from france in the late seventeen hundreds, i too would have been beheaded.

i almost wish i could have been part of it, the upper class royalty that is- history is my friend.

my life

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 20:26:18 GMT

is so awesome!

after nine months, i am still 100% full of butterflies and good thoughts.

i don't think there is anything better than young love, except the sex that comes with it...and winning the lottery.
life is so good.

i miss looking like this

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:02:03 GMT

this is...

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 21:07:01 GMT

what we do when we're home alone.
he makes me laugh sooo much! (L)

shiiit

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 04:23:23 GMT

ursula is 3/4 complete.
up next: shading her tentacles/adding purple, lightening her face, and putting green through the bottom of the cauldron rocks.
STOKED!
pics tomorrow.

antibiotics

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:43:42 GMT

are my best friend.

getting my ursula tattoo today which means my half sleeve will only need filler after that and then it is complete.
i am stooooked.

strep throat still sucks, but i'm not crying about it like in previous post. being sick sucks.

soo, i have strep throat

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 09:02:32 GMT

it is the worst thing i've ever felt.
i've only had it once, and that was when i was little, so i don't remember it.
i can barely swallow, and my mouth gets so dry that when i do swallow the skin tears and then when i drink water to help it it does the opposite (at first.)
i was supposed to shop my little toes off this weekend in Toronto with Aunt Diana, but this stupid sickness has disabled me from leaving my house.
when i'm not under a heating pad with a fever, i'm shivering with blue lips.
my mom gave me a neocitran yesterday, instead of putting me to sleep it woke me up. i took an antihistamine tonight to help me sleep and relieve my dry eyes and stuffy nose, it kept me up just like i would normally be.
this sucks.
i just want someone to snuggle me but my mom and dad don't want to get sick, and my boyfriend is too far for me to drive to get him, cause i can't go ten minutes without getting dizzy.
this fucking sucks times a million.
my life=epicfail.

(but only right now.)